I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
