Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
