i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
