Cold hands, warm shart.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
