So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
