Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
