he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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