Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
