this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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