Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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