dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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