i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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