yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
