Pregnant stripper...not hot.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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