Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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