do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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