i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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