I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
