The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
