i wish there were pregnant emoticons
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
