That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
