i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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