i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
