She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
