believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
