Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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