so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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