Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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