Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
