once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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