My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
