But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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