I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
