i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
