I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
