Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
