I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
