you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
