why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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