I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize