apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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