I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
