Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
