a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
