Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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