Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
