I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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