he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
