So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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