Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
