By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
