woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize