her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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