would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
