How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
