Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
