Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
