There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
