well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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