White coat. Heels.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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