you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
