I am in a vortex of obligation.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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