sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just found a bag of teeth...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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