i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
