She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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