Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
