i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
