There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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