you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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