It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
