cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
