the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize