we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
