Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
