2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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