my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
