He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
