Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The air taste purple.
Randomize
