so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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