But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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