Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize