Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
