I'm really into asian looking animals
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I bet he comes in French.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
