Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
