I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
