Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize