I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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