I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
