We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
