If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My vagina is officially offended.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
