Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
